my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
