well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
