Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
