Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
