i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
