i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i will never coherently bang her
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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