Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
