help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
