wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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