those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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