Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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