I accidentally burped into my bong.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
