Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
