I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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