i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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