Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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