we have officially lost it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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