your parents love me but you hate me
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
