We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
