i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
