the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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