whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
