I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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