My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
