Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Its about making memories worth repressing
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
