I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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