it was like his penis was on wheels.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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