Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
