i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
