Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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