You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
