I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
