Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
