Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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