Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
