i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Houston, we have a squirter
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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