you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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