dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
