3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
