I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
