what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
