She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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