just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Someone came in the potted fern
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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