You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I've blown a few things in my day
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He did a backflip because drugs
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