My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
