it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
