you turned your livingroom into a bong?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
