one two three fourrrrnication!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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