6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
