I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
