you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
