wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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