He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize