I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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