You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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