I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
