I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
