Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
