Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
