i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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