She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
