Heybabeimwearingurpanties
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
