fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
