He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
