Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I want to be your penis for a week.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
